Feeling alive shouldn't feel like hell. But to me the only time it seems I am alive is when I am experiencing the most painful hell. After years of being eroded into this… thing… is hate the only motivator, is trauma the only color I see? I know these things are to be unprogrammed and learned from but I feel I can only create from turmoil and creating is the only thing that matters. Am I destined to be this thing that transmutates all the trauma and negativity I expereience?